gender doula

The Magician

The Magician is an alchemist, seeking to transform. This is true for lives as well as lead, love as well as death. The Magician has a spirit of serious play, in both the Light and the Shadow. Upright, it is the spirit of joyous curiosity that drives the Magician’s desire to perform magic; reversed, it is a sense of greed rooted in not-enoughness that drives the Magician on.
The Magician does not make things, does not materialize a thing from a no-thing. The Magician uses what they have, or must seek, in order to give birth to a thing which previously didn’t exist. The Magician is a doula, a birth assistant, using what is blended with their own energies to shift, release, contain and shape the new thing into being. The Magician knows that their gift is an act of service to the transformation of others, that they are a servant to the magic of creation, adaptation and thriving.

While discussing with a friend over pizza and wine the challenges and joys of being in relationship to people who choose to gender transit in some form, I told stories going back many years of how I’ve always had people come into my life who were some form of gender fluidity, from occasional crossdressing (hell, like females wearing pants isn’t a form of that, based in culturally reinforced gender binaries!) to multiple-surgery body modifications to align identity with body. It seems my friend, being trans, expected a shorter list of encounters; after what turned out to be a much longer list he exclaimed with all the joy of a wordsmith finding a name for thing that moments ago didn’t have one: “Oh my gawds! You’re a gender doula!” I asked to have that in writing; after scribing the precious words in ink, he placed what used to be my favorite shade of lipstick (when I still wore the stuff) on lips formerly accustomed to wearing makeup and sealed the spell with a kiss.

I didn’t become a magician or a gender doula that day. I was born with that spell in my heart, in my body. My magic is to embrace beings exactly as they are when they enter my world without hesitation or reserve. If who they are or who they wish to become changes, my magic is to walk with them, side by side, to whoever it is they choose to become next. My gift is like the Magician’s: I am a servant to the transformation of others, within the safe and necessary cauldron of welcome, joy, inclusion, and lack of judgment. It is an inherited magic; I was taught how to do this by receiving it as a gift myself. I was taught the spell of loving myself, exactly as I am in any stage or iteration, by being loved.

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