Trans Temperance

I have gone with Temperance as I realized recently that as a card it symbolizes my being trans gender. This card is sometimes called ‘Alchemy’ or ‘The Art’ which is about change, the transition from one state to another. I love the tarot and learnt it when I was 14 yrs old, I give readings and collect tarot decks and books. I am an artist, self employed and I’m of mixed race and ethnic heritage

I go to have my cards read three times a year and ‘Temperance’ always is the first card that appears in a reading as the one that indicates me. I’m currently working on a new tarot deck and writing the book to go with it and my research led me to realize what this particular card really means for me and temperance is the card of transition it really is. I’m 50 yrs old now and finally at a point in my life where I’m totally comfortable in my own skin on every level. When I was a child the term ‘gender dysphoria’ didn’t even exist, so had to learn for myself why I knew I was born in the wrong body. I knew I should have been born a boy and also that was gay but didn’t begin my transition until I was 10 yrs old and then went to Berlin when I was 14 yrs old and had my re-assignment surgery. I was born in a culture that would never accept me, and was smuggled from one country to another and sold to an family that gave me an abusive and violent early childhood, so had to dress as a boy in secret, but this family abandoned me at the age of 10 yrs and I lived on the streets until I turned 20, have been in several abusive and violent relationships with guys who couldn’t really accept my being trans. I was very much alone as a child and now that I’m 50 yrs old I’m still very much alone, but now I accept this is how my life is meant to be and it’s okay. I’m a mix of Romanian/Spanish and French an I’m Roma Gypsy. Learning to read the tarot and to give readings gave me a way to engage with the world to other people. I am a total outsider and always will be but like the fact I am, that I can be on the outside looking in with a distance between me and this world and other people.

I live in a small town, on my own and can live my life quietly and simply and anonymously. I knew no other trans gender people as I was growing up and going through my transition and actually I still don’t actually know any other trans gender people,but maybe I’m not meant to. I have always drawn and painted and i’m self employed as an artist and always have been. I have never had a job, but I also never went to school and only l learnt to read and write in 2007, so have had to earn money for myself. I feel my life at 50 has come full circle and I’m happy in that knowledge. I have never gone out of my way to get people to accept me and still don’t, but it ceased to be important to me a long time ago, if people do its a wonderful gift an added bonus, but I no longer feel the need to be accepted as I used to. Acceptance from others means nothing and can be taken away at any time, but acceptance of myself is important. Our own self acceptance for me is all that really matters. I think the temperance card also is the card of self acceptance. I have created an image that speaks about being trans gender and have re-named the card ‘trans temperance’ as it felt right to do so. I have always had an affinity to this card and finally I have discovered why.

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